best Funny quotes

• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (not a clue!)
• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. (maybe Will Rogers)
• A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor
• There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. (not a clue!)
• I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. Oscar Wilde
• A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. (not a clue!)
• A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. Samual Goldwyn
• The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin
• A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx
• If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Sam Levenson
• Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. George Burns
• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. (not a clue!)
• Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it. (not a clue!)
• I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. George Burns

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